Victoria / October 18-26, 2024
(A Story from Modern Canadian Life)
My good friend Michael Uhrmacher was a second-generation Canadian, although he considered himself German. In a way, he was German, although… well, how German? On his father’s side, his family were German Jews who left Germany in the mid-1930s, just as things were beginning to go downhill there. His mother’s side, on the other hand, came from pure German peasants from East Prussia (now divided between the Russian Federation and Poland, with no Germans left there). So, basically—a Canadian, no doubt about it… Ah, yes… Michael served in the Canadian police, where he was highly regarded.
Kevin MacDuff was also a Canadian—of who knows how many generations. His parents were Scots from western Ontario, though according to family legend, one of his great-grandfathers had taken as his wife a young woman from the Iroquois tribe, whom he had stolen right out of her family’s wigwam… So, essentially—a Canadian as well… At the age of 20, Kevin moved west to British Columbia, where he became a full-time fisherman.
Ashley MacDuff (née Smith) was, of course, also Canadian, and in who knows how many generations, just like her ex-husband Kevin. Among her ancestors were English, Scots, Irish, and Ukrainians… Ashley loved children dearly, which led her to open her own daycare center.
Eric Van-Bloom was a second-generation Canadian as well. His father was a Boer (a white South African of Dutch origin) who had managed to slip out of South Africa right after the end of apartheid and the transfer of power to Black Africans. His mother was Georgian, a refugee from Abkhazia. Like his father, Eric worked in the agricultural sector, but not simply as a farmer. After completing a three-year college course, he became a mechanic specializing in agricultural machinery. And as for the rest… well, you’ll read about that below...
I
So, the story involving all four of the aforementioned individuals took place about seven years ago here on Vancouver Island, on the far west coast of Canada.
Kevin and Ashley went to the same school, and soon after graduation, they started a romance. It’s no surprise: Kevin was a striking guy—funny and lively, a bit reckless, but he had a stable and well-paying job as a fisherman. True, he drank a bit and smoked some not-so-good weed, but who doesn’t indulge in that around here? Ashley, for her part, was quite beautiful and a sweet girl, and she had recently inherited a nice little house from her late grandmother. So, it was quite expected that Kevin and Ashley got married after a year of passionate dating.
At first, everything was going well for the young, if not youthful, couple. Both were working, earning quite well, and when they relaxed, they did so to the fullest.
II
However, time passed, and Ashley began to feel increasingly tense about the fact that her young husband spent most of his time out at sea while she lived in her house almost alone. One winter evening, she tried to bring this up with Kevin. He listened to his wife and rightly noted that although he understood the situation, he couldn't give up fishing because there was no other job on the island that paid as well for a guy like him who had virtually no qualifications.
"Well, why don't you get a qualification?" Ashley tried to suggest. "Enroll in college, and in a couple of years you could become an electrician or a carpenter and earn just as much money as you do now. Besides, you'd be living at home with me instead of on that rusty old tub with a bunch of drunken fishermen."
"Go back to school? And get into debt to pay for it? No... Sorry, babe, but that's not for me!" Kevin cut her off, making it clear that the conversation on that topic was over.
Later, Ashley tried several times to steer the conversation back to Kevin's chance at a sought-after qualification, but each time, he brushed off the topic. And he kept brushing it off... Finally, Ashley decided enough was enough and started seriously considering a change of partner.
At first, she thought about it purely in abstract terms, taking no practical steps to turn those thoughts into reality. But one evening, Ashley went alone to a bar popular among the local youth. After having a couple of strong cocktails and relaxing, she met the handsome Eric, and... a spark ignited between them...
Eric and Ashley began dating, and the spark turned into a genuine passion. So, when Kevin returned from another fishing trip across the turbulent waters of the Pacific Ocean, Ashley told her husband right away that she had filed for divorce and that he needed to move out of her house immediately.
Kevin turned pale but did not say a word. Without looking at his wife, he quickly gathered his belongings, computer, and tools (among them was a decent hunting rifle, by the way), stuffed everything into his used Jeep, and left to spend the night in a nearby motel. That evening, he got drunk for the first time to the point of unconsciousness, known as a blackout, and in the morning he couldn’t remember how he had gotten to his room or how he collapsed onto the bed still in his clothes. The next day, Kevin collected his final paycheck and quit his job on the fishing boat, and a few days later, he rented a tiny apartment in a small wooden house not far from Ashley’s place.
Meanwhile, by mutual agreement, Eric moved into Ashley’s house, and they began living as a stable couple. Soon enough, Ashley received her divorce certificate, and it seemed like a relatively smooth new life was beginning. Especially since Eric, unlike Kevin, had a good profession, allowing them to lead a fairly decent lifestyle.
But then one day, something happened that was not entirely unexpected but extremely unpleasant.
One summer Sunday, something snapped in Kevin. After drinking almost an entire bottle of whiskey by himself and smoking a potent joint “for a snack,” he, not quite aware of what he was doing or why, grabbed his rifle, loaded it, and, jumping behind the wheel of his Jeep, drove—almost on autopilot—toward Ashley’s house...
III
Eric and Ashley were sitting on the front porch of Ashley’s house. They had just lit the barbecue and were waiting for the coals to heat up so they could grill two beautiful beef steaks outside. Ashley sat in a wicker chair, sipping light pale beer from a bottle, while Eric, wearing a leather apron, sprinkled salt and spices on the marinated steaks.
At that moment, Kevin’s Jeep sped toward Ashley’s house and came to a screeching halt in the driveway. Kevin emerged from it, rifle in hand. After cocking the gun and holding it at the ready, he walked toward the porch with strange, wooden steps, staring at Ashley with glazed, terrifying eyes. Ashley couldn’t recall him ever looking at her like that. Unable to utter a word in horror, she slowly rose from her chair, still holding her half-finished bottle of beer.
Meanwhile, Eric stepped in front of Kevin, shielding Ashley with his body, and shouted, “Don’t be a fool, Kevin! You won’t shoot a woman you loved and maybe still love! Let’s sit down and talk calmly…”
Eric didn’t get to finish his sentence. Kevin’s index finger, resting on the trigger of the rifle, involuntarily twitched, and a shot rang out.
Kevin hadn’t aimed at anyone in particular, but he still hit Eric in the left shoulder. Eric flinched but managed to stay on his feet, continuing to shield Ashley. Fortunately for both men, the bullet Kevin fired did not hit any bones and passed through soft tissue. The sleeve of Eric’s blue shirt quickly began to soak with blood. Ashley screamed piercingly, while Kevin… Kevin turned his back to Ashley and Eric and slowly stumbled away into the fields, holding the rifle limply at his side. His Jeep remained abandoned in Ashley’s yard, with its engine still running and the front door left ajar...
IV
Kevin walked through the fields for about forty minutes. Finally, he approached the highway leading to the city, along which a patrol car was slowly driving without its siren on but with flashing red and blue lights—a black vehicle with a white roof and a bright badge of the local police on the side door. A few minutes later, the car stopped, and a police officer dressed in all black—Constable Michael Uhrmacher, mentioned at the very beginning—got out and slowly walked toward Kevin. Kevin clicked the bolt and aimed his rifle at the approaching officer.
Michael was without a bulletproof vest (though he was supposed to wear one according to protocol) and, seeing the weapon aimed at him, didn’t even attempt to reach for his service pistol in its holster. Instead, he slowly spread his arms to the side, palms open toward Kevin, signaling that he had no aggressive intentions. The two men stopped about ten meters apart.
“Hello! My name is Mike!” the police officer began the “constructive dialogue.” “And you are?”
“Well, Kevin,” our shooter muttered gloomily.
“Excellent, Kevin… Now tell me, Kevin, why do you think I’m here right now?”
“Those two bastards tipped you off, didn’t they?” Kevin replied with a question.
“No, not them.” Michael deliberately ignored the rude word. “The call came from neighbors who heard the shot and to whom Ashley ran for help.”
Kevin remained sullenly silent, still aiming the rifle at Michael.
“Now, Kevin, I have a fair proposal for you,” Michael continued. “You calmly hand me your rifle, and I’ll put you in handcuffs (though I think that might not even be necessary right now, but that’s the protocol) and arrest you on charges of… involuntary manslaughter.”
“Are you kidding me, cop?!” Kevin rasped indignantly. “What manslaughter? The guy was alive when I left!”
“That’s right,” Michael replied, “he was alive, and I’m sure he’s still alive now since his injury isn’t serious and he’s already receiving medical attention.”
“Well then, what the fuckin’ manslaughter are we talking about?!”
“Now, Kevin, let me explain the meaning of our course of action. Here’s how it’ll play out. When your case goes to court, there will be a document stating that you were arrested for involuntary manslaughter. But the court will already know that there in fact was no manslaughter, as the victim was only lightly injured. So what do you think the jurors will be thinking?”
“How am I supposed to know?” Kevin muttered gloomily.
“You don’t know? Let me explain! Their thought will be this: ‘Here we go again, those damned cops are accusing ordinary people of things they didn’t do!’ As a result, their sympathies will be on your side, and you’ll get the lightest sentence. If you’re lucky, you might even walk away with probation. How does that plan sound to you?”.
“You talk pretty smoothly,” Kevin said, lowering the rifle.
“Well, if I’m smooth, let’s move from words to action. First, hand over your artillery.”
After a brief hesitation, Kevin extended the rifle to Michael, holding it by the strap. Michael slung the rifle over his shoulder, asked Kevin to extend his hands, and placed handcuffs on him. They then both headed toward the police car.
V
The police station where Michael brought our shooter was small and somewhat cramped. The holding cell where Michael placed Kevin was like a partitioned alcove of his office, which had Michael's desk, and Kevin could see Michael, wearing glasses with a metal frame, filling out some forms on the computer. After about half an hour of preliminary work, Michael turned his attention back to Kevin, who was gloomily sitting on a wooden bench and staring down at his feet. Kevin was slowly coming to his senses, and with each passing minute, he felt increasingly worse.
“Kevin, are you hungry?” Michael asked.
“Well, I wouldn’t say no,” Kevin quietly replied, having eaten nothing since the morning.
“I’m sorry, but we only have coffee here,” Michael answered. “Although… how about we order a large pizza over the phone, and when it arrives, we’ll tackle it together? I’m feeling a bit hungry too…”
VI
Seven months later, the court hearings began for Kevin Macduff's case regarding the armed assault on Ashley Macduff (by that time, she had reverted to Ashley Smith) and Eric Van Bloom, including charges of making death threats, attempted murder, and willful bodily harm to the aforementioned Van Bloom through gunfire. Initially, the charges sounded quite daunting, and the case hinted at a minimum of ten years of imprisonment. However, as predicted by Constable Uhrmacher, the case quickly fell apart.
From the very beginning, the question arose as to why the defendant was arrested for a manslaughter that, as it turned out, had not occurred. It was all chalked up to a police error, but… as they say, “the residue remained.” When the judge asked Kevin if he intended to kill his ex-wife and her boyfriend, the defendant quietly replied, looking at the floor, that he had no intention of killing anyone. However, he struggled to answer the next question about why he had shown up with a loaded rifle. Shrugging his shoulders, he mumbled something about being drunk and high, which made him forget why he brought the weapon. When asked why he shot, Kevin stated the pure truth: “I didn’t shoot! My finger just twitched on the trigger...” As for why his finger was even on the trigger in the first place—something every gun owner knows is completely unacceptable—this question somehow got forgotten…
Called by the judge, Constable Michael Uhrmacher, who, as we know, made the arrest of Kevin, reiterated what he had written in his report—namely, that Kevin surrendered voluntarily, did not resist arrest, and did not engage in any argument with the police officer. How much of this aligned with reality is something you can judge for yourself. Especially since the truth is, after all, a relative concept.
However, both the judge and the jurors, along with the gathered audience in the courtroom, were greatly surprised (if not shocked) by the statement of the victim of that infamous shot. Almost fully recovered from his injury, Eric Van Bloom firmly told the court that he had no grievances against the defendant and was absolutely convinced that what happened was a pure accident.
Finally, Ashley—the main and only witness to the incident—responded with a trembling voice to all the judge's questions, stating that she was in complete shock and remembered nothing. That is, absolutely nothing...
Ultimately, Kevin received a one-year probation sentence and a ban on firearm ownership for several years (I don't recall the exact duration), along with mandatory completion of a special course on firearm handling and storage if he wished to purchase a rifle or handgun after the ban expired. Additionally, he was required to pass the relevant examination at the end of the course. The court also prohibited Kevin from coming within one hundred meters of Ashley and Eric under the threat of immediate arrest and a new trial.
Epilogue
Eric and Ashley are living together and recently welcomed a baby. They might be getting married soon, but of course, no one can say for sure.
Kevin returned to the fishing industry and rejoined the crew of the same boat he’d left after breaking up with Ashley. In the meantime, two lively young women have joined their crew (something that would have been unimaginable before, but now... women can be found in any profession). Kevin has started a relationship with one of them, dark-haired Jessie. However, they don’t live together yet; they spend time at each other's places, but it’s possible that things will develop further for them too...
Occasionally, Kevin runs into Ashley and Eric at a large supermarket where they go shopping. They exchange slight nods as a greeting and go their separate ways without any conversation. After all, what would they talk about? Kevin, though, still feels a deep shame for the shot he fired and all of his behavior that led to the court case. The fact that Eric waived any claims in court and insisted it was just an unfortunate accident only intensified Kevin's feelings of guilt.
As for Michael... Officer Michael Uhrmacher has retired due to age and spends most of his time hunting, fishing, and playing volleyball. He also collects firearms and volunteers to teach firearm safety courses—the same courses Kevin will likely want to sign up for in a few years.
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